It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
