So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
