the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
