Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
