Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
