imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
