somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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