plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just want to make out with him forever
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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