Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
