I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
