if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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