You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
