I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
