I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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