Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
