Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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