to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
