just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fuck appropriateness.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
