the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
