yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
