yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
