ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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