just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
