i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
