Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
