I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
