I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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