Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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