hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
