I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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