so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
