I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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