and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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