Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
