Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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