my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
