she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
