guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
