I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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