if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
