you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
