Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
