I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
