I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
