I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
