I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
