I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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