my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
