Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
