Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
