Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
