I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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